Friday, September 30, 2016

Fluoride in the water?

Just think about it. If the safety pin on those things can be removed with teeth a clenched then one of two things are happening. Either there's not a lot of safety in that safety mechanism or there's fluoride in the water. Both of these reasons are enough to drive large portions of the thinking population to endless conspiratoral speculation. Surely, doing away with the enemies of democracy needs to be done but can it be done in a such a manner that is less risky and approved by all?

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Getting towed...

...past midnight. Is not an easy task to accomplish. As if the waiting isn't bad enough don't even think about the fees. Those guys really know how to charge. You would think, given the way they talk that it's only just a job - but somebody must be making a dollar or two from it and most of it is profit. Just make sure you read the paperwork before you get in the front with the driver.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Americans can't do this...

Americans just don't look good in shorts, a skill that only members of the Commonwealth have seem to have mastered. Englishmen do it well and Australians do it better but Americans have never understood how to bare the knees and still look manly. Like nipples, Americans continue to have some kind of Puritan hangover with knees. Free your knees my American cousins. Don't allow yourselves to be censored. Free your knees and stand proud.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

What is wrong with this man?

There's absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying your job. Also, if you believe in that worn out modern parable about getting paid for what you enjoy doing then you never need to work again then everything is OK. However we all have work colleagues who enjoy things just a little bit too much. Surely going home must be a significant let down.

Friday, September 23, 2016

Order is everything...

More often than not the order of words are more important than their meaning. Misinterpretation is a hazard that needs to be avoided. Unless of course the purpose is to deliberately mislead and create a situation advantageous to a particular set of circumstances. This very contrivance may not be seen as such by others, who may consider it to be mere folly or at worst an unconscionable error.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Wear more underpants.

When is one pair enough? Should one wear two pair regularly? Or, should it be too difficult to wear three pair on a whim? Is this really sufficient to remove any thoughts of stiffness? Don't try and blame the cold or the altitude. Of course talking to your friends might help as long as you provide an accurate description. Your only other option of course is to go commando.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Dropping your pants...

Napoleon said there was a only a single step between the ridiculous and sublime. One simple mistake, one small misunderstanding, one small slip of the tongue and everything can go the way of the shape of the pear. Those who insist on acting first and then following up with actions may need to move quicker than their thoughts allow.

Monday, September 19, 2016

To smoke the pipe...

...and admire the picture of yourself while pretending to pay attention to the lesser ranks. This is what leadership is all about. This one scene shows how to lead and what is expected. There is nothing more calming than authority. Display the cool eye and steady hand and smoke the pipe and men, real men, will follow you anywhere and do anything you say.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Our moment of triumph.

Winning that's what it's all about. No sense in doing your best if it doesn't result in a good old fashioned win. What if your best isn't good enough? Should participation alone suffice?  As simple as this all may sound it really is quite complex. Winning alone may seem to some to be all. Yet will it be enough?

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

This is not the room of mirrors.

Right place right time or unfortunate coincidence? When looking for the right place sometimes the wrong place comes along. An inconvenient truth or an unlucky happenstance? Boarding this flight might take you to places you've not thought of, even worse it might take you to the ones you know. Sure it's dark now but can you afford to wait for later?

Monday, September 12, 2016

England, is there anywhere better?

England! If you say it enough times is there anywhere better? England, England, oh England how it rolls off the tongue and sweetens the smile. Other countries' names try as they might can never have the same effect. It would be puerile to name them, or even hint at who they might be, but they would mostly be drawn from that sad lot of non-cricketing nations. Now is the time to brighten the smile and put the glint into the eye and say...

Friday, September 9, 2016

Fatal mistakes and how to make them.

This would appear, at first, easy to a pilot (or even a non-pilot) start by believing in the myth that gravity is your friend. Next you could take up the challenge that guns don't kill people only people with guns kill people (or whatever it is). Or you could even test if low alcohol beer in small glasses is any better than full strength beer in large doses.
These actions all carry consequences and most of them fatal. Destiny can be a tricky thing but why tempt the ill fates when a quiet beer should suffice?

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Into the abyss...

The leap is not too great for those prepared to make it even though the preparation of doing so may take some time. So if you are partial to the idea of leaping (or falling) between skyward and earthward this is your time.  The time is now to ready yourself for that endless fall and face the cruel (or perhaps not) irony of setting foot again on the very place that defines any ascent

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Maps and their wonder.

There's no telling what a well placed map will do to a real man. Hours can pass and a fellow will hardly be able to avert his gaze from the table if a good map is placed upon it. So much to look at, to consider and to discuss.
Viewing a map in the company of men may make you change how you view those men. You might consider a fellow dull or inopportune until you see him see a map.
Maps! Making the joy of being a man even more so.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

While you're down there...

Commandos are pretty tough you know. You should also know not to mess with them or even worse, sneak up on them. They know stuff like how to deliver a well placed karate chop along with a witty, yet manly, line.

Naturally enough being struck by a commando would leave one with few words. In a situation like that it would be best to choose your words wisely or not at all.

Sunday, September 4, 2016

When Squareheads Read.

This is a big moment for a squarehead. Most of their time is limited to huffing and puffing or boasting how their hats don't roll away. Yet it is the distraction, or possibly attraction, of reading that can round life out for those endowed with an exact abundance of 90 degrees.
If pride does indeed come before a fall then all these fellows need to prepare for a long trip downwards. Much maligned by others the squarehead takes much pleasure in displaying their ability to vocalise the written word whether it be presented in type or running writing.

Friday, September 2, 2016

Amongst New Friends

When amongst new friends, even the type who are prone to wearing leather caps and harnesses, choose to become the centre of attention. Why waste the opportunity to indulge those who want to be close to you?
Don't become too concerned if they begin to feign a foreign accent, they're being playful in their own way. Which may appear odd at first but really is safe if you play it right. So become open to new ideas and relax.

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Pillar of Salt

Don't look back. Never look back. Only a crazy person would try. What's done is done. Don't question it, it is beyond that time. If anyone with you turns into a pillar of salt they only have themselves to blame.
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